Over coffee the other day during a one-on-one LinkedIn zhoosh session, the client asked me if they need to accept every LinkedIn or personal Facebook Friend request they get- does it make them look bad?
I immediately answered "No".
In case you need a reminder today, no is a full sentence.
Here's the thing: Your profiles are like your little house on the vast world wide web. Whichever platform you like to hang out on is best—well, that's your primary residence. The one you like to hang out on after that one—well, that's like your weekend home. And maybe you have a third platform: your summer/winter house.
Whatever you want to name them, your screenname is the name of your house on the internet. You can do whatever (within the boundaries of the platform's terms and conditions) and let whoever you want into your house.
Let's visualize for a moment your real house; you don't invite just anyone over, do you?
No, you invite over people you have probably hung out with in public before a few times and have gotten to know them. Then you invite them over.
Your online residences are allowed to have the same credentials.
(read that again until it clicks)
After we said goodbye, I sat with what I had said for a minute. Then I looked at my Facebook "friends" and, with a quick scroll, realized there was a handful right off the bat that I had met years ago once at a networking event. But still, every time I tapped in, I would see life events from them in my face, which meant if they hadn't muted me, then they could see life events about me. And I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
Enter a weekend afternoon when I decided to take back control of my "house" and who was invited into it.
The first thing I did was go through and sort out all of the business colleagues I had networked with, and I found them on the appropriate professional channels. Were we connected on LinkedIn? Was I still following their business page on Instagram? Did I want to subscribe to their email marketing?
Those were the easy ones.
Then it came to the people who didn't fit into the colleague, people I knew IRL, or family. I asked myself this question: would I invite this person into my real house, or would I only meet them publicly for coffee or lunch? If the answer to those questions was yes, I would have found them on some other professional platform.
What has happened over the years is that when I meet someone at a networking event and exchange cards and information with them, a few days later, I receive a friend request from them on my private Facebook. Not that they have followed me on my public professional LinkedIn network or my public professional Instagram; no, they go right for asking to be friends on my private Facebook.
And at some point in this whole working on social media, I stopped accepting friend requests from one-off meetings of people and, over the years, have drafted a response that I message to most of these "friend" requests that are instead "strangers" wanting to connect professionally
"Hi! Thank you for your friend request. However, I keep this platform for family and close friends. I would love to connect with you professionally on LinkedIn or my business Instagram page."
Because if your accounts are private and someone you've met once at a networking event requests to be friends, it's basically like an essential stranger inviting themselves into your house.
And you don't have to let them in.
That weekend afternoon, I spent unfriending and re-following on professional platforms. It felt weird. The people-pleaser in me was screaming, "What are you doing?!! We're not going to have any friends."
But this current me and the woman I'm becoming responded back in my brain, "I just don't need to see, experience the energy, and be shouted at of some "strangers" kids' milestones or hear about their sisters' cancer or how they're fighting with their HOA, and I especially do not need a play-by-play of where they are at politically and what they think of others who don't think like them—And still never hear anything about their business."
That is the entire reason I accepted the connection, to begin with.
I met them years ago at an hour-long after-hours networking event. We sipped cocktails together, but I can't even remember if we connected one-on-one afterward to discuss what their business actually was.
So I whittled my personal Facebook following down to clients, people I know IRL who have my phone number and my family.
The world is SO noisy- and it's only getting louder.
If it's becoming too noisy in one of your houses, consider this your permission slip to unfriend and unfollow or at least mute and restore some peace and quiet to your feed.
People you are meant to meet and do business with will not miss you, if the connection is really supposed to happen it will happen someplace.
You do not have to accept every request that hits your inbox. If people get upset that you unfriended them and they don't have a conversation with you about it over text message or email, then are you even really connected?
If you are on the road to being a recovering people pleaser as I am here are a few tips to work through the weird overwhelm that will creep in:
Start small: Begin with a few accounts or connections that you're sure about. This can help build confidence.
Remember it's normal: Many people curate their social media. It's a common and healthy practice.
Use platform features: Utilize options like "Unfollow" or "Mute" on Facebook, which allow you to reduce content from certain connections without unfriending.
Set clear boundaries: Craft a polite message template, use mine as an example if you want to respond to connection requests from people you don't know well.
Focus on YOUR well-being: Remind yourself that this is about creating a positive online environment.
Be consistent: Apply your new approach consistently to avoid feeling like you're singling anyone out.
Prepare for questions: Have a simple, honest explanation ready if anyone asks why you've disconnected.
Privacy settings: Review and adjust your privacy settings to control who sees what on your profile.
Separate personal and professional: Consider using different platforms for personal and professional networking.
Take breaks: If the process feels overwhelming, it's okay to take breaks and come back to it later.
Remember, it's your digital space, and you have the right to make it comfortable for yourself. Taking control of your online environment can lead to a more positive social media experience.